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Your Power is in How You Respond to Others
How do you react to others? My client was sooo frustrated with her daughter. Every time she tried to get her dressed for school or bed, it didn’t matter which, it was always the same frustrations, the same arguments, the same tantrums… the same patterns over, and over again and she just didn’t know what to do with her anymore – she was soooo unmanageable! Oh, and yes, she started to realize that it was starting to affect both her marriage and her work. She realized that she had to get help because it was all too much, too overwhelming for her.
Sheila’s Story…
When she was younger, Sheila’s family moved around a lot when they were young, it always felt like they were starting off in a new place, new home, new school; she was always attempting to make new friends.
Overwhelming Responsibility…
And she always seemed to have the responsibility of having to look after her younger sisters because both her parents were busy making ends meet with work and keeping the home clean, making meals, keeping up with the washing, hiding from the rent man when they couldn’t stretch their meager salary that month, etc.
It was a lovely sunny day at the park …
Every time Sheila left the house, Mum insisted that she took her younger sisters with her, no matter where she was going. And this time, Mum insisted that she take her siblings to the park. The three of them set off as usual, all holding hands. After a twenty-minute walk, they arrived, and they really enjoyed making the most of the park, the swings, roundabout, the see-saw…
When the sun turned to rain…
… Two-year-old younger sister insisted (by screaming loudly and stamping her feet) that she wanted to go on the see-saw and Sheila, not knowing what to do for the best, put her on the other side of the see-saw. And, unfortunately, the two-year-old fell off and hurt her head. Two-Year-old screamed all the way home. When they got home, Mum did her own screaming and shouting. Sheila felt her life was shattered.
Children are to be seen not heard …
Sheila felt so judged and criticized. No body listened to her. Nobody heard her frustrations or her fears - that knot in her stomach that she felt when she knew she was going to be left alone with her two younger siblings. And she was really frustrated because deep down inside, because she knew that she didn’t know how to look after her younger precocious sisters in the first place; she knew it was too much responsibility for her tender young age. She felt invisible and “not good enough” all over again.
Embedding those negative thoughts/beliefs and emotions …
Sheila also knew that she didn’t want that responsibility ever again. Sheila held onto and embedded those mixed feelings of not being good enough, that fear, frustration, anger, resentment that she had towards her youngest sister. And every time she had to look after her siblings from then on, those thoughts and feelings embedded even more.
So, what’s going on now?
Work
Sheila felt out of her depth when she had to show up for her networking meetings. She cringed just thinking about walking into that room. Meeting new people. She had even has started avoiding them altogether if she can come with a legitimate excuse. Her business that she once felt so proud to start had faltered to a grinding halt... no new clients in months.
Home Life
Sheila always wanted her own children to cherish and love and to bring them up her way … so she felt blessed to find the love of her life to have children with. And she felt totally blessed to have her child – some women can’t. But she knew things in her household had become out of hand and felt so frustrated that she sometimes had to turn over the responsibility of disciplining her daughter to her husband. Her husband giving her that look again. She again, felt a failure.
Seeking help …
And that’s when Sheila came to me. She was having problems getting out there to speak for her business. Networking was a nightmare, she felt so uncomfortable entering the room, making eye contact, let alone standing up to speak for a few minutes in front of her peers.
It’s all about the past…
And when we started working together, Sheila connected the dots to the root of her insecurities, her fears and resentment to her past.
Highly Sensitive Introvert …
She realized that she was a sensitive introvert who hated meeting new people. Because she associated walking into those new networking events, meeting new people with walking into those new classrooms with strangers. She had done this almost every year of her school life, finding it harder and harder to make friends because she knew it wouldn't be long before she moved on again. And of course, children will be children, so being the newbie, she was picked on and bullied a lot.
Too much responsibility…
Sheila also realized that she her son was triggering her. Sheila found her over reactions, her resentment, frustration when trying to control her son, and make him do what she wanted, was taking her back to the similar experiences she had as a young girl looking after her siblings. Those feelings of frustration and inadequacy resurfaced and made her feel that knot again in her stomach. That feeling that she didn’t ever want to have to take care of children again reared its head every time she had to deal with her precocious son.
And after going through my Phoenix Programme where I use my Phoenix process, healing her unmet needs from the past …
Sheila now feels so much more grounded, resilient, resourceful and able to walk into her networking meetings confidently making eye contact and those all-important business connections and sharing her passion with ease.
And she also has learned how to manage her son’s emotions. They get along so much better now. She’s able to set healthier boundaries where her son feels safe. And her husband now loves and respects her even more.
So now both her home life and her business life are now balanced and she is in control once more, leading a her life to it’s fullest potential.
Does any of this resonates with you? If so, please contact me for a FREE Emotional Discovery call to see if we can work together to help you feel lighter, brighter and more in control of your feelings. Finding that inner peace that has alluded you for so long.
My name is Lorraine M. Biggs and I invite you to Join me on your FREE Emotional Discovery call to explore and discover:
Clarity: Both around where you are now and where you want to be
Are you reacting disproportionately to life events?
How are they negatively impacting your life?
Mining for Gems: During this call, I will guide you through a meditative visualization process to help you rediscover an inner resource. Once rediscovered, this inner resource is yours to help you (within a second) when you most need it.
Contact Me: https://www.lorrainembiggs.co.uk/contact
